9Mothers is one of those technologies whose impact is immediately obvious to warfighters
9Mothers 是那种其影响对 warfighters 来说一眼就很明显的技术之一
You’ll never achieve anything if you are afraid of being cringe Then again this is from someone trying to use looksmaxxing to achieve outsize return, good luck with that
如果你害怕显得 cringe，那你将永远一事无成。话又说回来，这话出自一个试图靠 looksmaxxing 获得超额回报的人，祝你好运吧
Which leads to… Bowen’s differentiation of self Low differentiation = highly reactive to others' emotional cues, loses self in relationships, can't hold boundaries under pressure — collapses into "we-ness" (everyone must feel the same or the bond feels threatened). Two flavors of the same disease: chameleons (adjust themselves to please, fusion mode) and bullies (force others to conform, the asshole mode). Both are undifferentiated. The self-abandoner and the asshole are the same person. The fix is the same: lower the chronic anxiety, raise the capacity to stay a separate self in contact.
这就引出了…… Bowen 的 differentiation of self（自我分化）。低分化 = 对他人的情绪线索高度反应，在关系中失去自我，在压力下无法守住边界——坍缩成“we-ness”（我们一体感：每个人都必须有相同感受，否则这段联结就会显得受到威胁）。同一种病有两种表现：变色龙型（为了取悦他人而调整自己，融合模式）和 bully 型（强迫他人顺从，asshole 模式）。两者都属于未分化。那个放弃自我的人和那个 asshole，其实是同一种人。解决办法也一样：降低长期性焦虑，提高在保持接触的同时仍能作为一个独立自我存在的能力。